Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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