I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
