Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
