I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize