if only i could text you this smell
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
