I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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