Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
