He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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