He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
