theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
