Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I would ride that face into the sunset
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
