Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
