college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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