Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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