Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
