Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize