If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
