and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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