...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
