I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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