Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
