mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
