How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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