I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize