You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
