I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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