It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
