My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
