No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize