An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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