Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
