she woke up with a sticky ear
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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