i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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