I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
