My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
