I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
