Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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