can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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