I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
