woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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