Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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