i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
