i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
