I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
