He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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