I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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