i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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