Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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