so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
