Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
