i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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