exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
