So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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