No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
