you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
