Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
