i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
