i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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