I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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