It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
