did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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