The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
