Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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