Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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