This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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