There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
