I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
