I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
