this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize