im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
