You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
