We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
