you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
