her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize