If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize