I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
