I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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