she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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