Define "chronic" masturbator.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
soo... how was my night?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
