her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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