lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
