OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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