We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
organizing the empties. That sober.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
