Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
