Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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