yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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