I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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