i need an iv and a liver transplant
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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