I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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