So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
