It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
