why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
