why didn't you poke me back
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize