that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
