even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
